Books I've read in 2010

Okay, so I seriously doubt I'll have the time to comment on every book or do any kind of extended review but I want to keep track and this is the post I will do it in.  Here are the books from January:

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams- Very funny at times, but pointless with a horrible ending. 

Rule of Claw by John Brindley- Junior Fiction. One of the weirdest books I've ever read.

Fablehaven by Brandon Mull- Junior Fiction. Pretty good, my 9 year old is loving it.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Annie Barrows- Very good book!  Just ended too soon. 

Evermore, Blue Moon and Shadowland by Alyson Noel- Fairly interesting Young Adult series but a bit too wanna be Twilight for me. 

Things Not Seen by Andrew Clements- Junior Fiction. Very good book!  I would recommend this one!

As Always, Dave by Jack Weyland- pretty typical Weyland LDS fiction book.  I enjoyed it but thought in some ways it was a little silly.  Interesting read for singles. 

The Crazy School by Cornelia Read- I pretty much knew I would hate this book from page one.  But I suffered through it.  Didn't hate it quite as much once I finished, but still could have lived without it.  Too cynical and liberal for me. 

Well there's January.  I could have sworn I read more than 11 books but I don't think I missed any.  I have some great books I'm reading in February!  Stay tuned! ;)

Hate me if you must

I have this annoying quality. 

You see, I want everyone to like me.  Because, even if I disagree with someone, or argue with them, I still love them.  And I'm not just saying that, I really honestly do. 

I hate confrontation.  So I avoid it as much as I can.  I like peace.  I like love.  LOL, I sound like a hippy.  

But I also do have strong opinions about things.  And when I don't feel good about something or someone in my gut, I follow that feeling.  Even if it's not the "cool" thing to do.  

And even if it doesn't make sense to the majority of people.  

I once met this man, he works in education, and he is very well liked.  The first time I met him I got this feeling that he was not a good man.  I felt the creepy crawlies every time I was around him.  With absolutely NO reason why.  Just from day one, I was wary of him.  I heard my friends talk highly of him.  I heard good things about him.  But still, I couldn't deny how I felt. 

Over time, I came to learn of quite a few unethical things this man was doing.  And is doing.  Not like a pedophile or anything weird like that, but just dishonest.  And I knew I didn't want him to have any kind of hand in my children's education.  

I have more examples like this.  Of following my gut.  Of following those promptings that I feel come from my Heavenly Father, to guide me in the right direction.  I can't ignore them.  I just can't.  

So here I go.  I'm sure I will lose readers.  And it's okay if you disagree with me, I still love you.  And I hope you won't turn your back on me just because we disagree.

 But I'll get all of the sensitive issues out in the open.  So that I have taken my stand. 

• The very. first. time. I heard Obama speak, the warning bells went into hyper drive.  And no, it's not because he's "black". (I honestly am waiting for the day when we don't differentiate each other at all by race.  I don't understand why it has ever mattered.  But I just want to clear that up right away.) Anyway, I didn't have a good reason why I didn't like him.  Or why I felt like he would be completely wrong for our country.  And I won't go into details about why I still feel this way.  I just do.  I know it's not a good reason or argument.  But you can't argue with it, because it just is what it is.  So don't try.  Just listening to his voice gives me a stomachache.  I'm sorry.  There it is. 
• I believe that if at all humanly possible in any way parents should raise their own children.  My kids may be screwed up, I'm far from perfect, but at least I know they'll be screwed up because of me.  I know there are always circumstances, but don't just pawn them off because it's easier.  That's just my opinion. 
• I believe that being gay is a choice.  And a wrong choice.  I would love my children no matter what, but if one of them became gay it would break my heart.  And I don't want my boys hanging out with gay boys.  They should be nice to them, but they do not have to be their best bud, you know?
• I think abortion is evil.  If you don't want that baby I will take them for you.  But please don't kill them.  It just feels wrong to me.  I'm sorry, it just does.
• I think that people should wait to have sex until they're married.  Heck ya, this is hard to do.  I know!!  But when did it become abnormal for people to wait?  I hate the fact that my children will have to grow up in a world where promiscuity is common.  And waiting is not.  And let me tell you from personal experience.  Waiting was SO worth it.
• I believe that we should do all we can to make our marriage work. 
• I believe we should work for what we get.
• I believe the children are out future.
• I believe that love conquers all. 
• I believe that we are ALL children of God.  And I also believe that people are generally good.  I don't believe many people WANT to be bad. 
• I believe all of these things.  For me.  For my children.  And if you have chosen a different way just know I still love you, and I accept you, because I haven't walked in your shoes. 

So whether you are right or wrong isn't for me to decide.  I can only decide for me and my family.  And stand up for what I believe is right.  

The rest is between you and God.  And I pray that you find right the way for you. 

Sorry, no comments please.  You're welcome to email me if you'd like to discuss something.  

Tired of the Me! Me! Me!?

If you read this blog, and if you're reading right now that means you must at least read it sometimes, even if this is your first time, and if so that's cool... 

Anyhoo, you may have noticed that a lot of my posts lately have been turned very much inward. Okay, I'll just go ahead and say it:  Self Centered.

And I've been wondering why.  I struggle with selfishness, sure, don't we all? But I don't really consider myself a self centered person. Please don't tell me if I'm wrong.

And then I realized something.  I have been praying and praying that I can be a good mother and wife, that I can think of others more, that I can be a good friend and daughter and sister.  

And it hit me the other day like a bowl of petunias.  The reason He keeps pointing me inward is because I have to take care of me, before I can take care of everyone else.  And I for definitely sure need some work.  It is time for me to make some real changes.  And I'm glad to say I think I am firmly on the path. 

The other day I was washing the dishes, when I finally looked out my window.  I have this absolutely incredible view from my house. (You can see a picture of my view above). And I realized that I'm so busy worrying, stressing, and focusing on the things right in front of me that I rarely take the time to look out the stinking window at the beauty around me.  How ridiculous it is to take such beauty for granted. In that moment, as little sense as this makes, I had this vision of myself.  Of the kind of Sharla I really am and that I know I can be. 

Now don't get me wrong, this Sharla was by no means perfect.  But.  She was the person I know I am, but that I rarely let myself see.  I have so. so. so. many things I could be doing better.  I know this better than anyone else. But here is the person I forget to see but that I truly hope and believe is there.

A person who loves easily.  

A person who forgives easily. 

A person that has a hard time getting close to people, but that would do anything she could to help someone.  

A person that sees the good in others much easier than the good in herself.

This is the way my Heavenly Father sees me.  And He loves me.  

Now, every time I look out that window and see the beauty of the world that He created, 

I hope I will remember to see the beauty in His other creation.  The one He loves even more.

Me.

White as Snow

I'm feeling very, well, lost and out of sorts today.  I feel like I don't even belong in my own skin.  And this is different than my usual woe is me complaining to anyone who will listen syndrome.  It's something else.  

There's this hollow ache in my chest.  It's something I don't really know how to explain, and something very personal.  But it is something that has been wearing my spirit down for quite some time now.  Thing is, I didn't realize just how much until last night.  

I am just now starting to realize how much this has affected me for quite some time now.  See, the thing is, I made a mistake.  It was gradual, over time, it snuck up on me, until one day I was to the point where it turned into an actual sin.  It was an inward sin, not an outward sin, and I know I'm being so mysterious and I promise it's nothing horrible.  It's just personal, and something I can't share.  

The reality is, though, that I'm at a point now where I cannot live another day without the blessing of the Atonement.  The first thing I had to do was realize it was a sin, something that I needed to be forgiven for.  I have been praying about this for a long time, but until last night I wasn't praying like I should have been.  

I believe in the Atonement.  I know that my Savior, Jesus Christ, really did suffer and die for me. He felt the confusion, pain and guilt that I am feeling now, for me.  And the reason He suffered it?  Well, simply to give me the opportunity to be free of my mistake, to be free of my sin.  Because unless I am, I have no chance of being with Him, and my Heavenly Father, again.  

The amount of love that act would take is incredibly humbling and also hard to understand or believe.  How is it possible that He could love me that much?  

I am brought to my knees with the thought that He did and does love me that much.  It gives me hope.  He is the only one who can bring me peace.  

To the world, my mistake would be laughable.   By the worlds standards I didn't do a thing wrong.  But in my eyes, and in His eyes, I know I did.  

Which is why I am grateful that I live the gospel, and that I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father.  So that I can know when things are wearing on me spiritually.

How thankful I am for Him, the only one who can fill that ache with love and peace. And make me whole again. 

I'm sorry to get so personal, but it helps clarify things for me when I write here.  And maybe one of you will read something you need to hear.  I can only hope.....

It's not like I woke up one day

 and thought.....hmm, I think I'd really like to get fatter and unhealthier.  I'd like to put all this extra weight on so that I feel tired and sluggish.  I mean golly, being thin is in so for me it is SO out!

No, irregardless of my psychotic fascination with doing the opposite of what is "cool" and "in", the whole overweight (since fat, obese, disgusting tend to make me cringe) journey was not a conscious choice.  Trying to get healthy, or healthier IS a conscious choice, but is still one that seems to kick me in the butt every day. 

I don't believe in being "skinny" or "thin", I know that I will never look like an anorexic model.  Nor do I want to.  Honestly, most the time I'm even actually okay with myself, because my body hasn't ever betrayed me.  Yet.  So far it's worked for everything I've wanted to do.  I can still run and play and tumble with my boys.  

But even that is not enough anymore.  I want to feel good.  And yes, I want to look good.  And I am making day to day changes that will help me get there.  I know it won't happen overnight.  It's going to be a long hard process.  But I really believe, this time, that I will get there.  

One resource that has been incredibly helpful to me is a new blog called Healthy Life Crusaders.  Not only does it have a plethora of incredibly useful information, it is also authored by my high school best friend and sister-in-law Liz, and her sister Val.  I know that Liz has been through a lot with her health, and has learned a lot of things that can help you control your own health in natural ways.  And I am lucky enough to have her as my cheerleader every day!  

Another resource that has been incredibly helpful to me is The One Day Way by Chantel Hobbs.  Her method makes it easier for me to just take it one day and one step at a time instead of getting overwhelmed trying to do it all at once and then giving up, as usual.  She said so many things in her book that I agree with, including using faith in the process.  And I am nothing without faith and prayer.  

I can't promise that I will lose a pound a day, or that I will be skinny in a few months.  But I believe that I need to do what I can to help myself and my family lead a healthier, happier life.  

But, you know, I'll always be me.  Fat or thin.  So take it or leave it.  Peace out my friends.  And good luck on whatever journey you are on!

And I can't sing backwards

I so should be in bed right now.  It's almost midnight and getting ready for 0900 church with four kids is killer.  Okay, make that almost impossible.  I'd rather write a modern version of War and Peace while singing He's a Yankee Doodle Dandy backwards.  

But I digress.  I've been reading a lot lately about how to make your blog awesome, and how to get more readers, and how to be the most awesomest coolest blogger of all time.  (And no, I'm not sharing my resource for that one.)  

And it really comes down to two main things.

1. You have to write a lot so you have stuff for people to read.  

2. You have to be totally seriously passionate like ready to shout to the world how much you love whatever topic you have chosen your blog to be about. 

So...for the Mom Nerd.....striiiiiiiike one!   Striiiiiiiiiike two!  Yeeeeerrrrrrr out! 

Yep. I better turn in my Momnerd monogrammed towel now because I'm done for.  No passion. No fire. No flame.  

Just a sad little spark with nowhere to go.  

Okay, once again, I digress. 

Here's the deal, so you help me decide: 

1. My blog has been hanging right around 160 subscribers, give or take, for months now.
2. My readership is down, comments are fairly steady but still fairly on the down low. 
3. I love doing reviews and giveaways but I'm too busy to keep it up and plus I got sick of all the work it takes and I also got tired of readers who were just entering contests. (Not that I'm not one of those myself at times. And it's cool.  Really. I get it. Free stuff is awesome.)
4. I have a hard time getting passionate about anything enough to write about it, oh, except for whining, as you die hards know. Which gets seriously annoying, even to me.  
5. Writing one line on facebook is easier than an entire post. 
6. I know posts with pics are more interesting but I'm too lazy.
7. I don't really care about being the bestest coolest blog on the www anymore. 

BUT

1. I still love my blog. 
2. I am so grateful for the friends I've made through my blog.
3. I like being The Mom Nerd
4. I like having a place to vent and share and spew and whine and gripe and cry and laugh and, well, be me.  Whatever "me" happens to be at the moment. 
5. I love my readers, one and all. 
6. Blogging is easier than writing a novel or writing in my journal.
7. The thought of burying my blog in the backyard with the berry bushes breaks my heart.

So what do YOU think?  To blog or not to blog? I know I can't put all the passion of a mountaintop singer into it.  I know I won't post as often as I should.  I'm pretty sure I won't start caring more about networking and tweeting and honkledoodling.  At least not at this time while I live in a world of poo.  No really, I do.  Seriously.  No lie.

So should I stay as I am...because I can't promise more.....

or should I rest my sorry soul with the sunflowers?

There is sunshine...

The other day I was listening to someone who was being interviewed about the people in Haiti.  She said that one thing that has always impressed her about Haitians is that despite their poverty they are always happy and smiling and cheerful. 

How can I whine about my children, when they are healthy, safe and fed? How can I complain about the messes when all it means is that I have a house with more stuff in it than many people will have in their lifetime? When will I finally realize and remember that the blessings I have are too many to be numbered? And that it is ridiculous to sit here with a frown when those with so much less are smiling?  

I don't know if I'll remember tomorrow, or the next day, or the next.  I can't promise I will never whine again, or get overwhelmed, or forget to be grateful.  

But for today at least, I do not have a single thing to complain about.

For today I'll think about and pray for others.

As every day I should.  

Writer's Block

Since I wrote last, I've written, oh..... about 20 posts in my head.  

And then I sit down at the computer and I don't know where to start.  So day after day after day this little box stays empty. 

After my last post I got really motivated.  I made some serious goals and started, one day at a time, to take steps toward them.  Then, two days in, I was laid up with a horrible earache which is still taking its time healing.  The last couple of days I had some weird fever and a migraine.  So now I'm trying to feel good and get motivated again.  

So far, not working. 

In fact, I started this post hours ago and this is as far as I've gotten.  

Just this morning Winnie took off his diaper and then pooped all over the carpet.  Then he and Izzy managed to find a bottle of syrup that I thought was put away and dumped most of it out on the kitchen floor before I discovered them.  Then while I was getting the door they dumped seeds that were all in little baggies ready and labeled for gardening all over the floor in my bedroom.  And this was all on top of their usual messes of spilling lunch all over the floor, spreading toys willy nilly, and anything else they can possibly find to get into that they shouldn't.  

You guys, I'm so tired of whining.  I want to be upbeat and positive and funny.  I am grateful for my blessings, really I am.  But I am just plumb worn out.  I am so overwhelmed by messes, finances, work, etc. etc. that I can't even sort it all out.  I just want to get organized.  I want to get healthy.  I want to not go insane.  

But today, it's just not happenin'.  Maybe I'm trying to do too much...working two at home jobs, taking care of four boys including twin terrors, being a mother, cleaning the house, paying the bills with money that doesn't exist, plus church and callings and teaching and playing and being a good friend, and.......well, I don't know what to give up.  Honestly, I can't give up anything.  It's all too important.  

But heck, I'm not succeeding at a single one of those anyway.  

I know I'll survive.  Life will go on.  It's not that bad.  I'm blessed beyond measure.  I love my life, I really truly do. 

But I'm just so dang tired.