Up for discussion today.....more babies, or no more babies? I'd love to hear what you think.
So lately, since shortly before Christmas, off and on, I've had the baby ache. Very, very badly I might add. I think of a baby in my arms, and I ache inside so much I almost can't stand it. The other day I had my youngest, 4 1/2 year old Winnie, in my lap. He always wants me to rub his tummy so he laid down with his feet up by my face. His feet are still pretty little, and still pretty cute, so I did one of my favorite mommy things and played with his feet. But then when I kissed them.....
|These are kissable feet!|
I used to ache for a baby girl, but at this point I don't even care if it's a boy or a girl. And I think that's what scares me the most.
You see, analytically, these are the reasons why I am done having babies:
2. I have a part time teaching job that I LOVE! And knowing myself if I had another baby the job would definitely be the first thing to go. And that makes me sad.
3. It has been almost a year since I've had any kids in diapers. Need I say more?
4. We're still trying to buy a house, and really are not in good financial place to have another baby.
5. I really need to lose weight. And yeah, even though I lose when I'm pregnant, I always gain back when nursing.
6. I don't want my last baby to be lonesome with more than 5 years between them and the twins.
7. I don't want to have twins again. Really not sure I could handle that.
8. Do I really want more than 4 kids? I mean really?
9. My twins are starting to get themselves dressed, their own shoes on, helping clean up, etc.
10. I'm getting old. I'm about to enter an entirely new era in my life. Do I want to start all that again?
But then, what if there is a little spirit up there waiting for me? Waiting for my family?
And is that why the ache won't go away?
For now, I'll look at some pictures of my babies, maybe try to talk some friends into letting me play with their babies, and hope the ache goes away.
But what do you think? Baby or no baby? That is the question.