I forgot to mention one thing I'm really good at. Guilt.
I have tried and tried, my entire life, to get over this. But the honest to goodness truth is that I do want to please everyone.
I want everyone to be happy.
I want to help make everyone happy.
I want people to like me.
And if they don't, and if they are not happy, against all reason sometimes I feel like it's my fault.
Granted, there are things I should feel guilty about. People I've let down. Bad choices I've made. And I do believe in repentance, I'm not holding on to things in the past.
But every. single. day. I find new things to feel guilty about.
I'm good at it.
I feel guilty for not spending more time with my children, and my husband.
I feel guilty for never being caught up on the laundry.
I feel guilty that I don't have any CO2 Fire Extinguishers. (Random, I know, but I had to get that in there and I actually do. I should have one for my preschool.)
The guilt wears on me when I think of the people I've let down, especially lately.
I feel guilty for not being a better sister, and daughter.
I should love more. I should care more. I should help more.
You should try it sometime, say something, even if it's a bit on the sly, geared towards making me feel guilty about something. And it will work.
Yesterday my dear friend and neighbor fell and broke her leg. She went through knee surgery last year, major surgery just a few months ago, and now this. She has spent the better part of two years on crutches.
And get this. She was planning a trip to go back East and see her Mom. She was supposed to leave early this morning. I had this thought, a few days ago, that I should go over and help her get ready for her trip. I thought that I could help her clean up a bit, pack, watch the kids, whatever.
But I was too busy.
So she slipped. On an Uno card. On the floor.
That was all it took.
Maybe if I had gone to help I would have picked up that card. Maybe I was meant to.
But I didn't.
I know it's not really my fault.
But dang, how I wish it would have been me instead.
And I wonder if that is how our Savior feels sometimes.
Except he did take it on himself.
So maybe, just maybe.
I can let him take some of this guilt from me.
Silly Sharla Just plain silly. You need to stop! That is looking on the past and wishing you could do something different and its just not healthy. I understand feeling guilty trust me. Some things too are just not in your control.
ReplyDeleteSome of the nicest people I know are the ones who want to please everyone. They're just so nice. They don't use you, they consider your feelings first, and they are humble. Those are wonderful traits! And you can have them without the guilt!!!
ReplyDeleteI used to suffer much like you did. I still struggle, in fact. But after years of counseling and practice (and feeling guilty about that) I was finally able to let it go.
Some of the best advice I ever got was from my sweet mother-in-law. It was actually concerning depression but it fits with guilt too (those two seem to go hand in hand). She told me that the adversary knows he can not tempt me with drugs, alcohol, immorality... so he uses my weaknesses against me. And when I give in to those feelings of despair and guilt, I'm allowing Satan to pull me down and use me for his will.
It's a slow process! And you have to practice saying no! And remember, when you say no you'll feel bad, guilty, even angry at them for asking in the first place or blaming you. You'll also feel sad, lonely and even question if you're doing what the Lord would have you do.
I'm not suggesting you stop saying yes. Service is one of the best remedies for lifting your spirit, and the Lord uses us to do his work. But you also need to allow yourself to take care of yourself and your family.
Then, one day, you'll realize that your guilt is gone. When someone gets upset with you, you'll shrug your shoulders and say, that's their problem (and a bonus is that people begin to realize that they can't use you, so they move on). And then you'll realize that you finally let the Lord take the guilt from you.
Sorry to be so preachy, but it has been a long and difficult lesson for me to learn - and I'm still working on it - but I've learned that I'm okay. And I'm happy.
Here my husband has been calling me the Queen of guilty feelings....till I told him about you!
ReplyDeleteI guess it is a Mother, wife, sister, daughter thing.
Hey Sharla! I saw this post and want to tell you that I can relate. Man, I used to be the queen of guilt. I was motivated by guilt and the fear of having more guilt. I went to counseling because I was so depressed and guilt-ridden. I finally realized that the Lord loves me for me- no matter what. He knows I'm doing my best. And even if I'm not doing my best, He still loves me. My testimony of the Atonement was strengthened 100% as I turned those feelings of despair and guilt over to Him, and they were taken from me.
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful person. You are loved. You do good things, and you have a good heart. We should chat sometime. I'm sad that you're moving (but I'm happy for you, too) because I feel like I'm lifting from my post-partum fog and can be a normal person and socialize now. Book club. We still have book club.
Also, I just want to tell you that you have done a fabulous job as Activities Chair in our ward. What a calling, and you jumped right in and did a bang-up job. Could this comment be anymore random?
Kitties. Jell-o. Ward service auction.
Yes, it could. I'm done now.
I feel guilty that I don't have any CO2 Fire Extinguishers aswell, a neighbour had a pan fire the other day and i could not do anything to help him. I felt so bad because half his kitchen is black now.
ReplyDelete