Friday, April 17, 2009

When I want to give up

Do you ever have something happen or have somebody say something that really makes you take a step back and look at yourself? I mean really. look.

I had that happen today. And what I'm seeing is.....well....not great. I guess it's easy for me to know my own heart, and to know my own intentions, and to know that I am the kind of person that would never ever ever intentionally lie to somebody or do something to upset them or hurt their feelings. At least not intentionally. I really do (or maybe did) believe that I try to see the best in people, and give them the benefit of the doubt, and cut them some slack for goodness sakes.

But there are three things I've realized.

1. Not everyone who knows me believes or knows that of me. Some people actually believe I would lie to them. On purpose. For whatever reason.

2. I do not treat myself the way I treat others, or at least how I perceive that I treat others. I lie to myself. I am always telling myself things that hurt me and upset me (okay, and maybe satan is helping a little in that aspect), I don't cut myself any slack.

3. There are people who see me exactly the way I do. And that makes me wonder if maybe I am that person.

So why bother? Why do anything? Why even try? When I'm going to fail and fall short of not only my expectations but of those who have expectations of me as well, why, oh why do I try? Not only why do I try but why should I even care if I try or not?

What. is. the. point?

But the point is this. There is One who sees me through and through, front to back, inside and out. And you know what? He still loves me. He wants me to keep trying. He forgives me when I fail. He knows my heart.

Does that mean I shouldn't keep trying to be better?


But it does mean that right now when I don't even feel like I can try, it's okay.

Because He's here to carry me.


  1. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so down about yourself right now. I hope you feel better soon, and you're right He is there guiding you :)

  2. You are so right! I'm glad you can see it.

  3. perfect post... Although it sounds like it came from a hurtful place, it's such a reassuring truth.

  4. If someone thinks you would purposefully lie or hurt them - they don't know you! You are such a kindhearted person! I have a feeling we'll be seeing each other soon in Cedar City - and when I see you I'm gonna give you a big hug and you'll know that, not only does your elder brother love you, but I do too!

  5. Our life is a journey, not a race. We are (hopefully) all trying to improve, day by day. Tomorrow will be a better day, I am sure. Don't be so hard on yourself; just try your best - that's all any of us can do.
    All best wishes to you!
    allibrary (at) aol (dot) com

  6. No getting down-just know that at the end of they day you have done your best-that is all you can ask of yourself.

  7. Thanks for a great post :)

    Just do your best and God does the rest :)

  8. While I am sad that you are sad, this was such a beautiful and moving post. You are one smart cookie indeed. :o)

  9. I don't think you are alone in feeling this way, I often feel the same. (More often than not, sadly) However, you're right at the end of your post. =)

  10. Hmmmm.... well whoever thought that about you should be kicked in the shins.


    I have a toddler who would probably be more than willing to do it.

    (And I'm really hoping it wasn't ME that said something that made you feel like that! Eeek....thinking, thinking...what have I said to Sharla lately?????)

    That said, just remember that your Heavenly Father loves you SO VERY MUCH. Not just because you are His child but because you ARE a good person. Let the Deceiver go elsewhere. You're too good for his ilk. ;-)

  11. My brother Hal once said something to me that just really opened my eyes...when I was sort of rambling on about the same thing...why try? He just plainly said, "What is your alternative?" Wow, he is so right, not trying would be just as painful and unhelpful than falling short here and there.

  12. You are right, she doesn't know the real you, and that really is her loss.

    I'm sorry that happened and over something so minor. I hope you are all better now. There are plenty of us who DO know you and know the truth. I have to think that maybe the other person is more insecure than you feel, especially to be attacking like that.


  13. HUH? Did I miss something? Is there an uderlying reason for all thisself doubt and sadness?


Comments are the bloggy air I breathe, but please keep my air clean.

Related Posts with Thumbnails