Do you ever have something happen or have somebody say something that really makes you take a step back and look at yourself? I mean really. look.
I had that happen today. And what I'm seeing is.....well....not great. I guess it's easy for me to know my own heart, and to know my own intentions, and to know that I am the kind of person that would never ever ever intentionally lie to somebody or do something to upset them or hurt their feelings. At least not intentionally. I really do (or maybe did) believe that I try to see the best in people, and give them the benefit of the doubt, and cut them some slack for goodness sakes.
But there are three things I've realized.
1. Not everyone who knows me believes or knows that of me. Some people actually believe I would lie to them. On purpose. For whatever reason.
2. I do not treat myself the way I treat others, or at least how I perceive that I treat others. I lie to myself. I am always telling myself things that hurt me and upset me (okay, and maybe satan is helping a little in that aspect), I don't cut myself any slack.
3. There are people who see me exactly the way I do. And that makes me wonder if maybe I am that person.
So why bother? Why do anything? Why even try? When I'm going to fail and fall short of not only my expectations but of those who have expectations of me as well, why, oh why do I try? Not only why do I try but why should I even care if I try or not?
What. is. the. point?
But the point is this. There is One who sees me through and through, front to back, inside and out. And you know what? He still loves me. He wants me to keep trying. He forgives me when I fail. He knows my heart.
Does that mean I shouldn't keep trying to be better?
But it does mean that right now when I don't even feel like I can try, it's okay.
Because He's here to carry me.
sweet and sassy somethings from