Friday, June 25, 2010

Really? I mean, really?

My friends.

I am losing my faith in the human race.  It's so sad, and I hate it.  But I am. 

It seems like every day lately I have something happen that tears a little bit more out of my soul.

You see, I'm an idealist. I've always believed that people are genuinely GOOD.  That people care about each other.  That most people will go out of their way to help others.  And that, in general, most people don't intentionally tear someone else down. 

But my heart is breaking lately, because every. single. day. that I step out of my house (or onto the internet) I am getting abuse.  From family, from friends, from strangers. 

I honestly can't take it anymore. 

Don't get me wrong, a big part of life is letting go of the negative and focusing on the positive. And I really try. But I'll be going along okay when

WHAM!  There it is again. 

Okay, I know you're thinking "get over it, girl, that's life." Let's get on to talking about beaded lanyards already....

But I just can't stand it anymore, my peeps.  Going online, and going out into the world, used to be a break for me from the rigors of motherhood.  Now I feel like all it leaves me is depressed. The only place I feel even a little safe is home. Here is just one example of late:

My amazing sister was with a guy for 2 1/2 years and ONE. MONTH. before he leaves on his mission he dumps her. Brutally. For another girl.  I was watching her hurting and crying and going through hell (yes, I did just say hell) and in my fit of anger I basically called him a jerk on facebook (nicely, without saying who either of them were) and ended up getting judged BIG TIME in the comments for judging this boy. (Not from everyone, but from a few.) My sister saw the comments, it hurt her feelings even more, I told them off a bit for hurting her more and then deleted their comments, people unfriended me and started talking bad about me. I got a really hurtful comment from someone I thought I was close to and could trust.  I took a break from facebook, deleted all of those updates and thought it was over with. 

And then today.  

I really really am trying to be a better person.  I want to judge less and love more.  I want to "be the change I want to see in the world" (Ghandi).  So I shared a quote I got this morning in my email on facebook.....

“We sometimes confuse sin with sinner, and we condemn too quickly and with too little compassion. We know from modern revelation that ‘the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.’ We cannot gauge the worth of another soul any more than we can measure the span of the universe.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Lots of people liked it, I got some good comments, and then this:

"sharla pratice what you preach. Not to long ago you where upset with some missionary who dumped some girl. But we can not judge..... the worth of souls are great in gods sight. Just a thought" (I left the original typos.)

And there you go. Another comment from someone who obviously doesn't really know me. 

And my day is ruined. 

Yes, I am too sensitive.  I know this.  But it's just too hard on me. 

So what do I do?  Do I give up facebook?  For good?  

Do I stop driving so random people don't get mad at me for who knows what?  

Or do I just vent here on my blog where I can say whatever I want? 

Sounds good to me for now. 

(Sorry, no comments today. If you would really like to tell me something POSITIVE that will not make me feel worse please feel free to email me. Thanks.)

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