On my way home from the Casual Blogger Conference, I couldn't stop thinking about the posts I wanted to write. That was a mere hour ago and now I've been sitting here at my screen for 20 minutes, I've changed my title three times, and if you go back and read this paragraph again, you'll realize I still haven't really said anything.
The conference was amazing. It's unbelievable how much work those ladies do to make it all come together. I did have amazing experiences. I met amazing people. I sat in awe of the absolutely incredible women (and few men) around me.
But on my way home. Sitting in my car alone, reflecting.
I felt empty.
I'm missing something. I don't know what, I don't know how, but I am. And it's not just because my body almost feels like I went to a Martial Arts Conference instead of a blogging conference.
Nope, that's not even it.
Maybe it's because I feel like I didn't take anything with me, inside me.
Maybe it's because I didn't open myself up to those connections, and those friendships.
Maybe it's because I forgot to hand out my dorky homemade business cards.
And maybe, just maybe, it's because something inside me is missing. That when I reach out to women, and try to connect, I hit a glass wall.
I know, somehow, that I am the one putting it there. Or else I'm just annoying as heck and people just tolerate me to be nice. And I'm thinking if that's the case, I'd rather not know, y'know?
So I come home.
I kiss and hug my four sweet little boogery boys. And they fill me up.
I snuggle my sexy husband that watched the kids days on end, and also managed to clean the house. And he fills me up.
I get down on my knees and thank my Father in Heaven for my blessings inumerable. And He fills me up.
But still, there's an empty space.