Since I wrote last, I've written, oh..... about 20 posts in my head.
And then I sit down at the computer and I don't know where to start. So day after day after day this little box stays empty.
After my last post I got really motivated. I made some serious goals and started, one day at a time, to take steps toward them. Then, two days in, I was laid up with a horrible earache which is still taking its time healing. The last couple of days I had some weird fever and a migraine. So now I'm trying to feel good and get motivated again.
So far, not working.
In fact, I started this post hours ago and this is as far as I've gotten.
Just this morning Winnie took off his diaper and then pooped all over the carpet. Then he and Izzy managed to find a bottle of syrup that I thought was put away and dumped most of it out on the kitchen floor before I discovered them. Then while I was getting the door they dumped seeds that were all in little baggies ready and labeled for gardening all over the floor in my bedroom. And this was all on top of their usual messes of spilling lunch all over the floor, spreading toys willy nilly, and anything else they can possibly find to get into that they shouldn't.
You guys, I'm so tired of whining. I want to be upbeat and positive and funny. I am grateful for my blessings, really I am. But I am just plumb worn out. I am so overwhelmed by messes, finances, work, etc. etc. that I can't even sort it all out. I just want to get organized. I want to get healthy. I want to not go insane.
But today, it's just not happenin'. Maybe I'm trying to do too much...working two at home jobs, taking care of four boys including twin terrors, being a mother, cleaning the house, paying the bills with money that doesn't exist, plus church and callings and teaching and playing and being a good friend, and.......well, I don't know what to give up. Honestly, I can't give up anything. It's all too important.
But heck, I'm not succeeding at a single one of those anyway.
I know I'll survive. Life will go on. It's not that bad. I'm blessed beyond measure. I love my life, I really truly do.
But I'm just so dang tired.