In my mind.
I was sitting in the car with Eldon, driving home from our date night. (Third week in a row, boo-yah!)
At that moment I was feeling insanely happy, content with life, absolutely brimming over with love for my amazing husband, beautiful children, and honestly everyone else in the world too. (I have a very far from perfect life, but I am trying to look at the good, and it's really good.)
We were driving next to one of those cement blockers they use in construction, it was on my side, and I had this flash of us running into it. It would of course only take out my side of the car, Eldon would be absolutely fine.
But I would die.
I've had thoughts of dying before, usually when I'm in the pit of despair. But this time was different.
I saw, very clearly, in that moment, how the people I love, and who love me, would feel if that happened. It wasn't a happy thing.
But I also saw, in that moment, that they would be okay. And that I would be okay. And that we would all be together again. In that moment, I knew that, without a doubt.
We made it home safe and sound. And today, that feeling is much less clear.
But with that brief glimpse, every kiss is sweeter, every moment warmer,
and every whine and scream....
just a little bit dimmer.