Anyhoo, you may have noticed that a lot of my posts lately have been turned very much inward. Okay, I'll just go ahead and say it: Self Centered.
And I've been wondering why. I struggle with selfishness, sure, don't we all? But I don't really consider myself a self centered person. Please don't tell me if I'm wrong.
And then I realized something. I have been praying and praying that I can be a good mother and wife, that I can think of others more, that I can be a good friend and daughter and sister.
And it hit me the other day like a bowl of petunias. The reason He keeps pointing me inward is because I have to take care of me, before I can take care of everyone else. And I for definitely sure need some work. It is time for me to make some real changes. And I'm glad to say I think I am firmly on the path.
The other day I was washing the dishes, when I finally looked out my window. I have this absolutely incredible view from my house. (You can see a picture of my view above). And I realized that I'm so busy worrying, stressing, and focusing on the things right in front of me that I rarely take the time to look out the stinking window at the beauty around me. How ridiculous it is to take such beauty for granted. In that moment, as little sense as this makes, I had this vision of myself. Of the kind of Sharla I really am and that I know I can be.
Now don't get me wrong, this Sharla was by no means perfect. But. She was the person I know I am, but that I rarely let myself see. I have so. so. so. many things I could be doing better. I know this better than anyone else. But here is the person I forget to see but that I truly hope and believe is there.
A person who loves easily.
A person who forgives easily.
A person that has a hard time getting close to people, but that would do anything she could to help someone.
A person that sees the good in others much easier than the good in herself.
This is the way my Heavenly Father sees me. And He loves me.
Now, every time I look out that window and see the beauty of the world that He created,
I hope I will remember to see the beauty in His other creation. The one He loves even more.