Sunday, February 13, 2011

Searching for Home

*Soundtrack Sunday is best enjoyed listening to the music while you read the post*

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My peeps, I cannot get out of this funk I'm in. And it's not a good funk. I go through these cycles in life where I just want to escape.

I just want to find home.

Now, over time I have become a real believer in being happy wherever you are, and whatever your situation. I'm really good at that in theory, not so much in practice.

We've moved a lot since we were married. Twelve times actually. In 11 years. Each time we move I really make an effort to get to know people, get involved, be friendly. But then little things start to hurt. Unintended slights I'm sure. But it becomes hard to not focus on those things. It's easier to feel separate. Alone. Unwanted.

If there is one thing I thrive on, more than any other, it's being needed. If I don't feel needed, wanted, and yes, even appreciated, I start to shut down.

I'm shutting down. No, I take that back. I've shut down.

And I know with crystal clear clarity, that it is all in my court. How I feel, how I react, is all up to me. I truly believe that people don't mean to hurt. But for me, it feels better to just stop trying, than to keep hurting.

Does any of this even make any sense? I know I'm physically and mentally out of whack right now. I have been since before my surgery. I know I sound depressed. I am. I'm on medication for it. I'm trying to find natural ways to help with it. But dude, I'm just not coping.

Well, let's put it this way. I'm barely coping. I'm surviving.

Honestly, I just want to go home. Or at least go somewhere that I can sleep for like 10 years or so......maybe then I'd feel better.


  1. You are appreciated by me. I love you lots. I am sorry you are struggling right now. We all have times like that I think, just a matter of getting through sometimes.

  2. Bless your heart. I understand all too well. I will pray that you will find peace and feel at home.

  3. We all love you and appreciate you. My advise is to just be yourself. If others like you that is great, but you have to be happy with who you are. Volunteer at a local hospital, daycare, nursing home, find a mothers group or start one. The best way to get out of a funk is to do something, anything. I am praying for you.

  4. IM so sorry. I sent you an email

  5. Why am I just reading this now? I'm sorry you're down. It seems like I haven't seen you for awhile. Maybe because we're all sick so much. You MUST come to book club tomorrow night and we need to plan another girls' escape Saturday or something. Missing you.

  6. Sharla~ I am so glad you moved into our neighborhood. I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. Hang in there. You are a beautiful daughter of God and this too will pass. Love ya' Kerri


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